OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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