I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
