apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
