dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
