I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
