I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
