U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
