I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
