I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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