Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
