I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
