You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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