I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
