I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
