I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
