I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
