I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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