she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
