I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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