apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
