just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
