Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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