I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
