The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
