He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
