You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
