I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
