she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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