For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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