where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
this boner is exhausting
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
