I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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