Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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