weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
