return my video game
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
