Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
