drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
