I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
