Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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