She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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