so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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