OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
