Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You've changed since you got that strap on
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
