Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
