nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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