I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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