It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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