Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
