so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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