This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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