My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
