i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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