I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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