I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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