It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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